Words that don't seem right.

Here I sit feeling more lost & confused than I normally do. I look out the window onto the courtyard. I feel as though I'm stuck in a Harry Potter snow globe. This place seems as though it's part of a dream I had as a child. The emotions coursing through me, on the other hand are not.

I feel different. I like I never wanted to feel. I feel as though I'm slowly becoming what I promised myself I wouldn't. Apply yourself. Work hard. Doesn't mean much these days. Push yourself. It only gets you so far. Push a little harder, try a little more. Eventually it feels like it's time to throw in the towel, take off some time. Go in the opposite direction & pray it works out.

Yes, pray. Never thought I'd say that.

I'm gonna go off & find my blankie now. I'll wander & hope I don't get too lost. I need a good cry. Hah. As if I haven't cried enough.