this isn't good. oh no, it isn't.

pulsing. i am unable to focus. i'm losing control of my words. they're not coming out right. i mean, we know i shouldn't be saying them at all but they're definitely not coming out right. maybe it's the place, or the lighting. maybe it's just me reaching for the unattainable.

drip. drip.

i look down & think of the general will, the common good. ha ha ha. this same magnatune podcast plays. the same mozart pieces just put into a different order. it's not helping. something new. reach higher. reach further. push it a little more.

if you knew the whole me, you'd hate me.

i'm sitting out in the back of the house. one deep breath at a time & these drums, this guitar solo. it's driving me mad. bringing me to a new state of mind.

why do i bother anymore?

the truth is: I don't. i haven't in a while. too bad. maybe i had something there.