this is my wintersong.

here at sit at some ungodly hour of the night. i have about five hours to force this information i could care less about into my mind. i won't remember it when i leave. depressingly enough.

i listen to the songs you recommend, i try anything you tell me to in hopes it gets me one step closer to where i need to be. but it seems that neither of us know the way. we're both so lost. the blind leading the blind.

papers, dishes, & crumbs surround me. i have two wks left until i rearrange it all. same building. different place. new rooms to create memories in. new habits to form. new smells, new hobbies, new hidy holes.

it's all blurred. where i am, where i'll be, where i want to be. my dream city. 730 kilometres away. you'll be there soon. we'll be back. i have to go back. & it'll take work, won't ir? it never gets easy. that's the depressing realization. it just doesn't get easy you may work a little less hard, but you'll always work hard. work to put yourself through school, work your way through school itself, work into grad school & masters, work into the working world & work for a vacation. 15 years & your dream's here. now you want a vacation.

sometimes, the things i wish i was are the things i never wanna be.