slow cheetah.

A game of chess over the phone at two in the morning makes everything okay. A feeling of closeness that I feel as though I'm lacking right now. Worry is slowly taking me over. It's as though I can't get through a day without it. Maybe it's a testament to the love or care I feel for others? Maybe I just need to let go for a few minutes & enjoy life.

This apartment is empty. A good scrub down was given to certain parts of it, leaving it beautiful & shiny. I'll miss it, although it's not like I'll be gone long. I don't think I could be. Insanity sets in rapidly when I step foot in that town. The rules, the ridiculous six o'clock curfew, the air, the TV, just... everything. It makes me feel as though I'm 12 again, locking myself in my room, getting yelled at. I could piss them off & go to the bar, but there's just too much going on.

I miss the old gang. I'm sure that my relationship with each of them would be different had we met under different circumstances, I'm sure they wouldn't have given up on me if I was ever allowed to go out. I remember when Chris came to see me last year around Christmas, it was amazing. Just talking for a few minutes outside while my father got increasingly mad sitting inside. I miss Shellz & moo, no matter how much drama existed between us. I miss that feeling, those people.

I came here & they all got left behind. I made new friends, but those friendships kind of dissolved after first year, & now I have some acquaintances that I keep meaning to hang out with. Damn undeveloped "hang out" skill. Anyone wanna chill? Coffee? Random walk through london? Shopping? Hang out & watch movies/play video games? I really can be a boy sometimes.

Now I'll go shower & finish my morning red bull. My eyes are red, I've gotten three & a half hours of sleep, but everything's done. Everything. Is. Done.