open up your eyes.

Here I am, one of the few left. I spent today moving books around & texting people hoping for replies. I should know better. I went to the gym, I cleaned the apartment. I feel empty, yet full of thoughts I'd rather not be having at this time of year.

I wonder what it'd be like if they were different, what it would be like if they weren't... them. Does that make sense? I wonder what it will be like a few years down the road (if things go the way I'd like them to). Will they change? Will we change? Will the whole circus mellow out? Will it still be around? The ring master with the long blonde hair, the boy with some oddity.

I've achieved what I wanted. I've escaped into the great wilderness, the darkness that settles after six. I just don't know how I like it.

There are things in this world I wish for but I know will never happen. There are relationships that I wish would form, but I doubt they will. I have a million worlds to balance & I don't know where to begin.

I don't know what I'm saying or how to say it. My mind's all over the place. Adieu.